Deen Talk! Revert Problems - Part Two - Anxiety, Masjihid, and Cliques.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Assalaamu alaikum w rahmatullahi w barakatu.

Hello brothers and sisters! Today's Deen Talk! is on anxiety, masjihid, and cliques. This is something I have heard so many reverts talk about - how they are nervous to go to the masjid, and when they do, it's segregated or people look down on them for being of a different race, ethnicity, way of dress, etc... So in shaa Allah we will address these things in today's talk.

We've discussed in previous Deen Talk!s that anxiety can be heightened when doing new things within a new religion, such as going to the masjid, attending an iftar, or attending a halaqa. But today I want to touch on something people don't necessarily want to talk about, which is that the Ummah is part of the problem.

Absolutely a new Muslim will likely feel anxiety upon going to the masjid or a halaqa or an iftar for the first time - this is only natural. But the issue I'm talking about is that, on top of this natural anxiety, the Ummah has a tendency to make reverts, or even Muslims who have recently moved into a new area, feel unwelcome. I can't completely speak to what happens in the men's musalah, but I have received more greetings and kindness in the masjid from men than I have from sisters, astaghfirullah. If it wasn't for my Khala taking me in and bringing me to sit at her table with her daughters, I don't know that I would have been able to continue attending iftars in my first two weeks as a Muslim. I walked into the womens' food area and stopped in my tracks, unsure of who to talk to or where to sit, and even more nervous because there were few sisters my age and nearly everyone was speaking Hindi, Bangla, etc. Alhamdulillah for my Khala, who came over and took me to sit with her, or I may have just left! Wallahi. She was the only one to come talk to me until a bit later, after prayer.

It was even more noticeable this year during Ramadan. My masjid is building the women's musalah, and the eating area got smaller due to this. Most of the older women sat with their specific  group of friends, even going so far as to move my stuff to take the seat I was using when I went to make wudhu. Astaghfirullah. My co-wife didn't know what to do when it happened so she just moved us down further so it wouldn't happen again. Some of the Aunties at the masjid would return my salaams but with a bit of annoyance (due to them being in conversations with their "clique"). Now this isn't to say all of the Aunties were like this. I had several who spoke with me and hugged me and told me how good it was to see me without my cane, etc. But this experience happens frequently enough that it must be mentioned.

Even worse is outside of the masjid. In the mall, in the store, wherever, I tend to give salaams first and 90% of the time my salaams are not returned and I'd say 70% of that I get glares instead. I have wondered if it is because I wear niqab, and perhaps people disapprove of my niqab so they don't give salaams (astaghfirullah...); however, an Auntie who runs a store was talking with me and my co-wife, and she said it happens to her as well every day.

There is a culture of exclusion in the Ummah, one that can and will cause a breakdown of the community if we don't fix it.

We all have rights on each other in Islam, the foremost of them being to send and receive salaams, and to respond to salaams in an equal or greater way. But within our communities, people are so focused on their specific heritage or their specific friend-group that they exclude others. The Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi w salaam, said:

"There is no superiority for an Arab over a non-Arab, nor for a non-Arab over an Arab. Neither is the white superior over the black, nor is the black superior over the white -- except by piety."

Yet still today we see sisters being asked to find another mosque to attend due to being Black. Brothers being turned down as marriage prospects because they aren't Pakistani, or because they are a revert, even though they outmatch others in Imaan and taqwa and knowledge of Deen. Our generation, the younger generation, has fought against this kind of segregation our whole lives - we grew up being taught about Martin Luther King, Jr., about the Civil War, about segregation and how immoral it was. We grew up in school learning, at least explicitly, that we are all equals (even if later down the road we learn that the stumbling blocks of institutionalize racism and other problems still exist and are in need of being torn down). It's because of this many of us are so vocal about inequality and racism and why so many of us are activists in our own right.

Unfortunately, the same can't always be said about the generation before us, as shown above.

This is where we tend to see the "cliquishness" in our Ummah. We see walls put up which exclude new Muslims who want to be a part of the community - invite-only or (astaghfirullah) pay-to-enter iftars, private halaqas, paid Eid gatherings. How are new Muslims supposed to join and engage in a community which shows them they are unwelcome?

For instance, iftars. My masjid does nightly iftars during Ramadan which are completely free and open to the public, no invite or reservation required. And alhamdulillah. Allahumma barik lahum. This is how it should be done! But in a larger masjid in a more affluent area, iftars are invite-only, and you have to know someone who knows someone in order to get in, should you be new. I was invited and able to attend one such iftar since I have an Auntie I befriended who knew the people organizing it. But while I was there, the only people I spoke to were that Auntie and the host. No one else introduced themselves, no one really spoke to me or my co-wife until the Auntie we knew introduced us to people and showed them some of my work (I make products to help reverts learn salah). Even then, it really was only the one Auntie who paid us any mind.

It's going to fall to our generation of Muslims to fix these things within the Ummah. We are going to have to insist upon equality between races and ethnicities and born vs. revert Muslims. We are going to have to insist upon always giving salaams, even if people continue not to reply (you will get the reward - they are only hurting themselves). We are going to have to go to our Imams, our Boards for our Masjihid, our outreach groups and request things which allow women to more easily attend the masjid, which help reverts and new Muslims to the area navigate the mosque, "Big Brother Big Sister" type programs to help new Muslims learn the basics (like it was during the time of our Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi w salaam).

And it is going to be hard. And we are going to feel lonely. Those who insist upon cliquish behavior likely will not wish to change. But we need to band together, even if we don't live near each other, and stay strong in this Jihad to make the Ummah more open and friendly and an actual COMMUNITY, as it is supposed to be.

Jazakum Allahu kheiran.

Sajida.

Look at me, the tiny goth niqabi!